The Courage to be Disliked

During Thanksgiving sale in Book store, this book caught my attention. “The Courage to be Disliked” by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. The tag line of the book said, “The Japanese phenomenon that shows you how to change your life and achieve real happiness.”

The entire book is in dialogue format which happens between a philosopher and a young man. In a way that makes this book interesting to read. Another interesting aspect of this book, the philosopher keeps introducing new terms and/or concepts while explaining. It feels as if he is adding one bead at a time to make a nicely tied bead garland.

I could relate a lot with the young man’s questions, doubts, and emotions during the start of the book. As we progress, each of the doubts gets clarified with the explanations given by the philosopher. One thing which I could not relate with the young man is the harsh words which he uses to oppose the philosopher.

This book talks about many aspects which will really help us to lead a happy life. Will it be easy to follow, never, it is not easy. To me, many of them were tough to understand and digest, following those comes later. It is worth reading the book rather than a summary. Here is the glimpse of the wisdom shared by the philosopher:

• Your past doesn’t dictate your future. No experience is a cause of our success or failure. We are not determined by our experiences, but the meaning we give them. What happened in the past matters less than how we interpret and respond to them.
• All Problems Are Interpersonal Relationship Problems. This is the critical message of this book. It talks about the following:
• Don't intruding in other people's tasks or having our tasks intruded on.
• Instead of getting stressed because others aren’t completing their tasks to your expectations, draw a boundary — “From here on, that is not my task.” And discard other people’s tasks.
• Most importantly, don’t expect others to approve our task or behavior. Deny the desire for recognition.
• To have the courage to be disliked, we need to be able to look at others as equals, not above or below us. Redefining your hierarchy in the world can change your life for the better

As I mentioned, these are tough to understand and digest. I wish I could follow them to achieve real happiness.  

The Secret

Will you believe it if someone says that Aladdin’s Genie exists now, and it will grant what you ask? You might think that they are trying to trick you. But it is true that Aladdin’s Genie exists, and it will grant what you wish. I understood this after reading the book named “The Secret”, which was gifted by my Mama & Mami. I would like to Thank them for giving such a wonderful book.

“The Secret” is an amazing book which was written by Rhonda Byrne who worked as an executive producer in Australian Television. Due to her personal situation, she went into depression and that’s when her daughter asked her to read a hundred-year-old book, which was the starting point of her travel to understand the secret of life.

The key message of this book is “Law of attraction”. Everything that’s coming into your life you are attracting into your life. And it’s attracted to you by virtue of the images you are holding in your mind. Our job as humans is to hold on to the thoughts of what we want, make it absolutely clear in our minds, and from that we start to invoke one of the greatest laws in the universe, and that’s the law of attraction. If you see it in your mind, you are going to hold it in your hand. Thoughts become things.

There is a word of caution while you think about what you want. We should think exactly what we want. If you want to have good health, then think “I want good health”. Instead if you think “I don’t want to catch the Flu”, then you are only attracting Flu. Similarly, if you want to reach on time think “I want to reach on time”. Instead if you think, “I don’t want to be delayed”, you are only attracting more delays. In nutshell, Law of attraction doesn’t process “don’t” or “not” or any other words of negation. So, focus only on what you want.

Now we know what to think and how to think, is that enough to get what we want? No. There is a 3-step process to be followed, the author calls this “Creative process”. Very simple steps:

1. Ask à Asking is the first step, so make it a habit to ask

2. Believe à It involves acting, speaking, and thinking as though you have already received what you asked for.

3. Receive à This is the final step, receiving involves feeling the way you will feel once your desire has manifested. 

This approach can be implemented for getting more money, good relationships, good health, anything, and everything you want in life. The author gives a good example about the 3-step process. If you want to buy a new car, it is not enough if you ask for it, you should talk about it, also start planning where you will go first in your new car, whom you will take along with you etc. (this is the second step – Believe). And you should start thinking about how you will feel after you buy your car.

This book is all about positive thinking. You think, the genie immediately begins to leverage the Universe, through people, circumstances, and events, to fulfill your wish. Based on your belief, it is either God or Genie or Universe will say “Your wish is my command”. So, what are we waiting for, let’s prepare our wish list, follow the creative process for a fabulous 2023.

Empty nest

We all know that one event or a situation can create extremely opposite reactions for 2 different individuals. Happy moment for winner of the game, the opposite emotion for the opponent. We have also seen few situations which creates 2 opposite emotions for the same person. One such is Rohit’s travel to US for pursuing his Under-graduation. While I am extremely excited and happy for Rohit’s dream come true moment, it saddened me as he will be travelling away from me.

The entire plan of studying abroad started when he visited my brother’s family in US during his 10th grade annual vacation. 2 years of struggle by Rohit with the guidance of his admission counselor and his teachers helped him to achieve his dream. Uncertainty was chasing him (in fact all the kids of his batch) in every step – AS level exam dates, SAT exams getting cancelled multiple times, whether A level exams will happen or not, Unavailability of US Visa appointments, Flights getting cancelled. He crossed all these stages successfully.

While we were on the way to the airport to send off Rohit, I was thinking about the bond we both shared. It was 13th Mar 2003 at 4 AM when I got slight pain and woke up from my sleep. As time went by, pain increased and frequency started decreasing, that’s when my mother-in-law asked me to get ready to go to hospital. At exactly 1:50 PM, our bundle of joy was born. Life changed from that moment. Being a working mother, I had lot of struggles in handling both. Without my mother-in-law’s support it would not have been possible for me to continue my career. 

Few incidents which I can never forget. I was working in a Production support project in Cognizant around 2007. I was in early shift that day which means I must be in office at 7 AM and cab pick up is at 6 AM. When I was about to step out of the house to board the cab, Rohit said “Mummy, Madiyila Paṭuttukanum” which means he wants to lay on my lap. If he says that it means that he is missing me. Though I had a confusion for a nano-second on what to do, I immediately decided to stay back. Also informed the cab driver and my teammate that I will be late to office. This incident made our family to decide that we should move closer to office so that I reduce the travel time and spend more time with Rohit. We shifted from Vadapalani to Medavakkam.

This shift in place allowed us to spend more time than before. We would have heard that movie Heros appoints a manager to handle their appointments, I became the manager for my little Hero. I always maintained the plan (like the project in office) for Rohit. His exams schedules, tuitions, extra-curricular activities were all planned managed by me. In this process, we used to fight a lot for small issues, but a hug and kiss will solve the problem between us. Eventually “Huggie and Kissee” became a daily ritual for us. Even as a teenager, he followed that routine.

After his 12th board exams, I could see a transformation in Rohit. First thing which I noticed is that he refused to listen to me, second, he started handling his activities on his own. Though I felt hurt initially, I understood that it is important for him to be independent. Slowly our interactions reduced, and I accepted it as I must get prepared for his stay away from me.

Many times, I have felt burdened to balance between work and personal life. During those moments I have said no to Rohit for his “Mummy, Madiyila Paṭuttukanum” and “Huggie and Kissee”. Now I feel bad for saying No to him. I have heard people talking about empty nest, it is hard to be in this phase. One good thing is, I have lot of good memories. All the very best for your bright future Rohit. A tight hug and lots of kisses to you. 

Women's Day

Day started with so many Women's day messages flooding the WhatsApp groups. None of the Woman will get so many wishes for their Birthday or Anniversary (obviously it is not easy to remember those days and not required also). At the same time, there are few who ask the question, why do you celebrate Women's day, we do not celebrate Men's day. Here is the answer for such question. We will not celebrate Women's day, when the following are addressed:

·         When the society celebrates the birth of girl child as they celebrate the birth of a boy child

·         When we teach a boy to cook, clean and wash and teach a girl to take care of the electrical and plumbing work at home.

·         When a girl child can take any course of her choice to study

·         When a rape victim is not ridiculed for her dressing and behavior while knowing very well even a 3-year-old kid goes through such a problem where dressing and behavior is not the reason

·         When a girl is not penalized with Acid attack for not reciprocating the love which a boy had towards her

·         When the parents do not penalize her for expressing her love towards a boy of her choice

·        When a working woman gets support from her family when she must attend a critical meeting

·         When a working mother is not made to feel guilty for not giving her 100% of time to her kids

The list doesn't end here, these are just samples, but who can address the above listed items, of course Men can address few of them, but it needs a mind set change for women as well to address the above mentioned problems. Every mother should teach their son about how to treat a woman. When that happens, every day will be celebration for us and we won’t need a specific day for celebrating.

Having said that, we have come a long way in empowering women. This would not have been possible without the support which the society has provided so far. Personally, I have been supported, motivated, encouraged and Inspired by many people around me, let me take this moment thank each one of them.

Happy Women’s Day to all the strong women who are fighting their battles in their own way.

Goodbye 2020

Only 2 more days left for 2021, finally 2020 is coming to an end. 2020 had been a roller coaster ride for many of us due to multiple reasons. One common reason across the globe being COVID. Last year the same time, if someone would have said that we will have to stay indoors for months together, we would thought that it was an impossible one. We would have never imagined that Office, college, school can go completely online. Everything is online now, we even attended a wedding online, luckily the bride and the groom were physically present in the marriage hall, just that the relatives watched the marriage online.

Apart from COVID, my professional life had the worst time starting from 2^nd January 2020. That is the day when I learnt about my new role and new manager. When I was told about this change, I was not worried about it, I know Change is inevitable and I must accept and move on. So, I was ready to adapt myself to the change. But it only took 2-3 weeks to realize what kind of a mess I had landed into. Next 3 months was hell, I tried my best to manage, I could not succeed at all. I even started doubting my own potential and lost my confidence. That's when I decided to give up by ending my career or at least taking a break without knowing what next. Having worked for 22 years, (I have not taken any break, except for the 84 days of maternity leave), it was a very tough decision to make. 

Month of May and June took a toll on my physical and mental health due to the decision which I took regarding my professional career. Towards the end of June, a miracle happened. I happened to talk to my colleague, he suggested me to talk a senior member in a different unit. That conversation changed the entire situation. He offered me a new role and obviously new manager Leader. Life took a U-Turn, new unit, new account, new set of colleagues, of course my new leader, what else do I need to motivate myself.

From July, I started working on my new assignment. People were welcoming and friendly, they supported me well and helped me to settle down comfortably. Tight schedules, late night calls, but nothing bothered me. I started enjoying my work. Despite these tight schedules, I managed to complete a management course and cleared a technical certification as well. I understood one thing: if you are surrounded by positive people, you will also slowly become positive and start succeeding. I got few such positive people who helped me to come out of my past and start focusing on the present. I am grateful to those wonderful souls who are always willing to support me. Feeling blessed to have them around.

Though the first half of 2020 was pathetic one for me, the second half of the year compensated all of that with lots of goodness like friendly colleagues, collaborative teams, and supportive leader. I would like to Thank each one of them who made me smile and laugh. Goodbye 2020. Hope 2021 will be peaceful and happy year for everyone. Wish you and your family a happy, healthy and peaceful new year 2021.

Pampering

One winter morning, I was sleeping under a cozy blanket feeling the warmth of it. From far away, I heard a sweet mesmerizing voice saying "Kanna, get up, it is already 9 AM". A bright smile appeared on my face when I heard that voice. Though I woke up, I didn't feel like getting up from the bed. I was feeling so lazy to get up. After all, that was a Saturday morning, I had no hurry to get up and get ready for office. After a hectic week schedule, I wanted to go easy on weekends, especially mornings.

Heard a buzz from my mobile, that was a WhatsApp video message alert. I opened it and saw a forward of a mother pampering a baby girl. I started thinking about my childhood days. My parents were very strict and I never got any pampering or pet name. I used to witness my neighbours being called with pet names and getting lot of pampering. I have not seen anything of such kind happening to me or my brother (younger). One satisfaction was that it was not due to my gender. That itself was such a relief for me.

Days went by, I finished my studies, got a job and got married. When Rohit was born, I realized that I didn't even know how I should pamper him. I used copy from MIL and my husband. Over the period of time, I learnt to pamper him. Years went by, learnt many things in life, switched companies, met many new people, handled critical situations, attained certain height in professional and personal life. Despite all these, one thing which was haunting me was the fact that I was not pampered.

One can be independent and strong, but the child in them will surely long for something which they were deprived of. I started understanding that I had this longing for not being pampered. That's when I thought about pampering my own self. When you lack internal motivation, you seek external motivation. On contrary, when you lack external pampering, you can always seek internal pampering.

While I thinking about these, the same mesmerizing voice called me again, "Ammu, get up, have breakfast, it's already late".  I know that I cannot laze around anymore. So I got up with full happiness to face the new day. 

Wondering whose voice is that. It is none other than my own soul. Each time my alarm goes on, I have wired my mind to think that I am being pampered. My soul keeps talking to me throughout the day, I receive a lot of pampering. In fact I am overwhelmed by the pampering which receive from my soul. Life is beautiful. I have my own dreamland, where I am an unquestioned queen. Only 2 of us live in that dreamland, me and my soul. 

Till I meet you in the next blog, its me A̶m̶m̶u̶, Kavitha signing off. Stay safe and be happy. 

Restarting....

It has been really long time since I wrote anything, be it a blog or article to magazine. If I remember correctly, the last one I wrote was around Dec 2017 and that was an article titled "A promise" which was published in Infinthoughts January 2018 edition, actually that was a dedication to my mother on her birthday.

After that I never felt like writing anything. I used to wonder why am I not feeling like writing at all. Then I realized that I was too disturbed due to various reasons which included health issues, priorities both at personal and professional front. Especially from Jan 2020, the situation worsened. Corona seemed to be better virus comparing to few human viruses around us. I don't want to talk about them as I will let Karma take care of them.

After 2.5 years, I felt like writing today. You got it right, for the last 3 weeks, I am all excited, I could see that I am bouncing back. I always used to say that my all time favorite project was TMH, today I am having the same level of happiness which I used have during TMH days. I strongly believe that whatever you do with passion can only lead you to success, I am hoping my current journey will also lead me towards success.

More than the destination, I would love to enjoy the journey very much. When we are asked to carry a 5 kg rice bag, we will feel it is heavy and would look for an option to keep it down at the earliest, at the same time, when we are asked carry our own baby who is almost of the same weight, we never feel the weight, but we will only feel the love for the kid. That's how I feel about my current journey. The previous one (especially the last 6 months) was like carrying a rice bag, where as the current one is like holding my baby in hand.

I wish and pray that this journey helps me to be passionate about what I do. My blog journey started during the happy days in TMH and now I am restarting my blogs again hoping to continue this. Till I meet you in the next blog, stay safe. Bye