Science of Emotions

Yesterday when I lifted a book, I was kind of sure that I cannot concentrate, then it struck me that I had few DVDs from T.T.Rangarajan who is the editor of Infinithoughts (formerly Frozen Thoughts). The one which I picked up is “Science of Emotions”. Just that I didn’t have complete focus to read a book, but I felt I can surely listen to his speech, yes I did that and here are few key points from what I learnt about Emotions.

 

1.        Two dominant emotions in all of us: Emotions of Pain and Pleasure. Whatever I perceive as Pain, I will avoid and whatever I perceive as Pleasure I will embrace. Eg. Kids generally associates pleasure to play and it embrace playing. And they associates pain to studies and that’s why it avoids studies. So knowing this what is the reason why we avoid or embrace something, we should start associating pleasure to what is right and pain to what is wrong. Even it comes to the example of kids reaction to studies, parent or the teacher should make every sincere effort to help the kid to associate pleasure to studies so that the kid will start embracing it.

2.        I am the creator of my own emotions. We always think that somebody make us angry, which is not true. Nobody is making us angry, instead we are becoming angry in response to something happening to you. Let’s take an example: Your kid spills some food in your favorite dress, you become angry and shout at her. The same scene if it happens in your boss house, you were invited to your boss’s house and there his daughter spills something in your favorite dress, now what is your reaction?!! Even if your boss scolds his daughter, you will support the little kid saying “please don’t scold her, it is not her fault”. Ultimately in both the scenarios, your favorite dress is getting spoiled, but you choose to respond differently, which makes it clear that you have the control on your emotion. Nobody is making you angry, it is you who becomes angry.  So you are the creator of your own emotions, nobody can change it.

3.        How do I control my emotions. When do we become angry? May be when something happens not the way we want? When we don’t feel in the control of the situation? Again a small example: When you ask your spouse to do something and if it is not done on time, you get angry. The same way if a Government employee says that he will finish some task for you on Monday, you also go there to get the document, but if he says it might take one more week, do you really think you can shout back at him, obvious answer is No. You politely say you will come back after a week. So the understanding is:

              Something + Acceptance => Tolerance

                           Something + Non Acceptance => Anger

Uncertainty + Acceptance => Adventure

Uncertainty + Non Acceptance => Fear

                           Someone possess something + We accept it => Inspiration

Someone possess something + We don't accept it => Jealously

Somebody hurts me + Acceptance => Forgive

Somebody hurts me + Non Acceptance => Hate them

To make it even more generic:

                           Something + Acceptance => Positive Emotion

Something + Non Acceptance => Negative Emotion

So answer the question: How to control emotion? If we start accepting what we have been rejecting knowing that we don’t have control on, we will start getting positive emotions. So when we have negative emotion, question our self “What is that I am not accepting?” Whom am I not accepting?”. This will help us to control our negative emotions.

4.        Emotional Maturity - Dynamic Acceptance: We will get emotions, we cannot control that. Just that we are going to control our negative emotions which has major bearing on our health and peace of mind. We are going to cut down the dream we make and do what has to be done. If a truck hits our car, we should accept that what happened cannot be erased by our negative emotion Anger, so cut down the drama of fighting on the road with the Truck driver. But proceed the next set of activities which has to be done to repair the car.

I am sure it is easy to write but very very tough to follow. I am planning to make a sincere effort to follow this, how about you? J